give ventura the google fiber or the puppy gets it. we're NOT KIDDING!

You heard us. And yes, we're totally serious. Totally.

OK look. We didn't want to do this, but other cities are doing all these crazy stunts, and then there's Ventura, being the nice quiet little awesome high-tech laid-back mindblowingly gorgeous beach town it always is. I mean really. There are like, three places in the WORLD with weather this nice all year-round, and we're one of them! How much fun would it be to send tech workers here? LOTS of fun, that's how much.

So we need people to know about us, but being phenomenally nice isn't quite cutting it, what to do? Well, as the epic Alice Cooper might have said in this situation, if he'd ever been in it (which he hasn't, so we're just guessing here): NO MORE MR. NICE CITY.

You think we're funny? What, are we, some funny city?

We're so serious we're using COMIC SANS!

and CAPITAL LETTERS!

We don't have any frigid lakes to jump in, and the whole re-naming your city something Googly has been done, and sure, we're paradise and we don't even get any hurricanes, but are we getting the attention we deserve? We think not. So.

Do what we say, and nobody gets hurt, OK? OK!

Don't make any sudden moves!

Except the sudden moves that get you over to those webpages to do those things.

We even threw in a blink tag, just to make sure you realize what you're dealing with here.